the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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