I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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