Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
