Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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