Responsibility does not care about your dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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