i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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