She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
