I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
