the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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