I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
