tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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