Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
