I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize