you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.