Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend