All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!