the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.