Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.