You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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