I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
