and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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