i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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