I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize