I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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