I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
