My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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