I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
