that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So much rum. So many feels.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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