Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
