Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
