i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
two words...techno handjob
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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