dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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