How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize