He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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