I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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