I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
