And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
