Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
