Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
