good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
