I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
