What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
