whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
