hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish you could order shots online.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
