Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
