I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
