she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
