I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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