Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
