Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
