She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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