I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
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i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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