Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
