I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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