wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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