A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
