Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
