The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
