Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
