pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
