I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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