Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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