God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
